Intentional Community

So how do a bunch of idealistic Christians go about making themselves at home in an inner-city suburb... and then helping others who've lived there for years, decades - even generations - feel at home there, too?

I've spent a fair amount of time in our city's 'dodgy' side. And I've noticed that, while a lot of people call it home, it doesn't really have a homey sort of feel to it. It's as though people feel least out of place there.

So far, we're looking at how a small group of people can help out the people we already come into contact with. Right now, that's centred around getting them involved with things that other groups are doing... existing programs that it would be silly to re-invent. Sensible idea.

What else can we do right now? Well, strangely enough, the thing that's most appealing to me is to spend some time at a cafe run by another charity. I want to sit down, relax, and get to know some of the people who spend their time in the suburb. Now all I have to do is work out how to fit that into an 9-5 workday... hmmm. Lord, the spirit is willing, but the inspiration is lacking!

On a side note - we just got a visit from some trick-or-treaters. As you might not know, Australia does NOT habitually celebrate Halloween. But more and more kids are watching US television and catching onto the concept of free lollies. Sooo... trick-or-treaters occasionally turn up on Halloween. These kids were exceptionally well-prepared, and warned people with a letter-drop a few days before.

Now, I'm not particularly keen on bringing US traditions over here (no offense, guys!). But I don't want to be the crotchety ogre either... and hey, it's a way of building community, and I'm supposed to be all for that. So, since it's a tight week financially, they got home-made muffins and brownies. Surprisingly, they were stoked. They liked our dog, too.

Funny

Someone posted this article in a forum I visit. Well worth a read for the humour value. Stephen Court linked to it in the armybarmy blog, so if you read it from there, no need to click on the link below.

God's Design for Men

(Note: this article is meant as satire, not sound biblical scholarship)

My Utmost for His Highest

I think I've mentioned twice now that I've been using this devotional daily over the last couple of weeks. God's been using this book and other sources to show me a very important concept that I need to stay aware of. It's all about serving Him and walking with Him WHERE I AM. Not where I will be. Not lounging around waiting for the REAL action to start. Not even trying to prepare for the 'ministry' that God has 'called' me to. Simply following Him each day and learning carefully what he has to teach me. And... trusting that within the daily process, he will help me do the work he has for me today, and prepare my heart for tomorrow's work. This is a tough concept for me to cope with... I like having the big picture.

Here's some of the 'prods' he's given me lately:

We do not need the grace of God to withstand crises—human nature and pride are sufficient for us to face the stress and strain magnificently. But it does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours of every day as a saint, going through drudgery, and living an ordinary, unnoticed, and ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus. It is ingrained in us that we have to do exceptional things for God—but we do not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life, and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people—and this is not learned in five minutes.
http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php?month=10&day=21

Prayer is the battle, and it makes no difference where you are. However God may engineer your circumstances, your duty is to pray. Never allow yourself this thought, "I am of no use where I am," because you certainly cannot be used where you have not yet been placed. Wherever God has placed you and whatever your circumstances, you should pray, continually offering up prayers to Him. And He promises, "Whatever you ask in My name, that I will do . . ." ( John 14:13 ). Yet we refuse to pray unless it thrills or excites us, which is the most intense form of spiritual selfishness. We must learn to work according to God’s direction, and He says to pray. "Pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest" ( Matthew 9:38 ).
http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php?month=10&day=17

No Christian has a special work to do. A Christian is called to be Jesus Christ’s own, "a servant [who] is not greater than his master" ( John 13:16 ), and someone who does not dictate to Jesus Christ what he intends to do. Our Lord calls us to no special work— He calls us to Himself. "Pray the Lord of the harvest," and He will engineer your circumstances to send you out as His laborer.
http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php?month=10&day=16

So what am I doing about it? Well, let me think...

• trying to reach out to others at church, and help build community there (I think this is important, and God seems to think so too).
• getting involved in efforts to build community in our dodgy suburb.
• getting involved in two prayer groups... one for our dodgy suburb, one for the suburb we live in and attend church.

So... that's not a bad list, but I think I'm sketchy on a couple of other important points:

• praying to God by myself (my prayer journal is looking rather lonely at the moment).
• studying God's word and praying with hubby (this is getting better, but I think it's far from what we need to be doing).
  

Does anything else jump out at anyone as being bleeding obviously missing?

Prayer Request

I'm the sort of person who's very hesitant to scream 'satanic attack' unless it seems very, very obvious... and frankly, that's rather rare. But at the moment, I'm tempted to start screaming.

The last three weeks have been quite good spiritually... I've been talking to God a fair amount, getting more involved with church members, going to prayer group. But they've also been incredibly difficult emotionally. I've been in tears probably half of those nights. That's NOT normal for me.

Now it could actually be that this is part of a healing process. I've commented before that I struggle with depression. It usually manifests mostly as extreme difficulty doing anything... even getting out of bed seems a huge and relatively pointless task. So it could be that God is moving my coping mechanisms from internalising problems to immediate emotional release. Theoretically, that could be a sign that this depression is being healed slowly but surely. That would be nice.

So... there's my situation. It could be satan attacking, it could be God healing. Bizarre, but I'm really not sure which it is. My discernment is cloudy on this one. What I'm asking isn't for prayer against the sadness, upsetness and teariness, but prayer for God to move, and for me to be open to His moving. I don't even need to know what's going on... all I need to know is that God is in control. To know that, I need control of my heart, mind and soul given over to Him.

No, I'm not dead!

Well, the 'I'm tired' theme has been rather prominent this week! Lots of work, and my lunchbreaks (usually half-devoted to blogging) have been spent mindlessly drooling.

Anyway, what's been happening?

The meeting last Monday was postponed to this week. So on Monday night we met up and had a quick meet-and-chat. We worked out that we're not sure what exactly we'll do next!

Hubby and I've been reading a daily devotional from My Utmost for His Highest... there's some good stuff in there!

Weary

Today I'm feeling absolutely exhausted. It's one of those days where I just want to crawl under my desk and sleep... or read. My work day will end soon...

Spiritual Disciplines

Tonight we have the inaugural meeting of a group which doesn't yet have a name... and its purpose is, at the moment, a little foggy! I guess the best description so far is 'networking'. We're meeting together to see what people are doing, who they are, why they're doing what they're doing... etc. I'm still excited.

I've been asking myself recently, "If I was applying for officership, what would the people considering the applications want to see me doing?" In other words... what can I be doing better in my life, and in the life of my church? It's not that I'm aspiring to be an officer right now, or any time soon, but I suppose it's more about becoming more committed to my soldiership vow. Well duh, that's a resource I never thought of consulting - the Orders and Regs for Soldiers!

So, I'm thinking that not only should I be thinking about this, but I should be seeking answers from others. This includes books (I bought a couple of bags worth from Koorong on the weekend), but also those around me. My husband, for example. The leader and leadership team of our church. People who know me well enough to recognise my faults, and hopefully have enough perspective to pick out the important things that're holding me back from deeper relationship with God. Hmmm... now that I've written that down, I'm going to have to actually follow through on asking people. Darn. Hassle me if I don't report back, OK?

One of the books that I bought on the weekend is about prayer. I bought it because while it offered some formulas, it seemed most focused on the idea of looking to God and being open to experiencing His presence in different ways. It offers a number of different prayer styles to look at and try. I've decided to read a chapter a week and try the prayer(s) explained in each one every day for that week. For example, these are this week's prayers:

Lord, encircle me:
Keep faith within,
Keep pride without.

Lord, encircle me:
Keep hope within,
Keep despair without.

Lord, encircle me:
Keep love within,
Keep fear without.

and,

Love, light up this mortal frame,
So others may catch the living flame.
(said with a focus on faith (that God can and will do it), hope (that it can make a difference in people's lives) and love (that God loves me, and others))

They're very meditative, relaxing prayers. Are they 'enough' on their own? In a sense, perhaps... they acknowledge God's sovereignty and express a desire and willingness to his working in one's heart. But they do lack specificity (is that a word?), and I think there's a danger in that. So I'm not relying on this book for my entire prayer life, but using it as an addition which might just help me listen to God and open my heart up to him, better than before.

(Can you tell I'm wary of how-to books?)

Another book I bought is the classic My Utmost for His Highest. I've given in. If something will challenge me and goad me to give more of me to God, I'll consult it - no matter what pain I foresee. So far, it's been challenging. But unless I daily meet that challenge with action... what's the point in being challenged?

A Slightly Longer Update

I really need to go OUT for lunch today, but I wanted to share a bit of what I learnt last night, now that I've had time to get it a bit straighter in my mind.

First, God seems to've been putting similar ideas into the minds of many people. Apparently, there are a LOT of people with a heart for our 'dodgy suburb'.

Second, the current move that's got me so excited is a weekly meeting held with the intention of bringing together all the people who God's been prodding, so we can talk and work together a bit. I think this is a great move when it comes to encouraging and helping each other.

Third, I was reassured to find that the person trying to bring all these people together is someone who strikes me as having much spiritual maturity and life experience. If I hear one more person explaining that 'praying protection' over my family will prevent things such as miscarriage, I may have to beat them to death with my bible. Sigh. What does that have to do with spiritual maturity and life experience? Well, I think that if we truly walk in the steps of the apostles, we'll soon discover that christianity isn't all good feelings, prosperity, and protection from tragedy. God doesn't promise us that in this world.

OK... I'm off to lunch!

Very Quick (Short) Update

I went along to prayer group last night, and spoke to the person organising a weekly meeting for people interested in being involved in community/ministry in our 'dodgy suburb'. When I say 'spoke', we went to dinner at the local food court and talked for a couple of hours. It was a good time, and hopefully profitable too.

Online Books

I've added a new section on the right entitled 'SA Books Online'. Some of the old classics - and some new ones! - are available for download from various places, and since I've managed to hunt a number down, I thought I'd make the list available. This is NOT a full list at the moment... more to follow when I have time.

Evangelism

It just occurred to me that my topic of 'evangelism' is sort of amusing (not to mention appropriate) given my moniker of Evangeline...

Anyway, these thoughts have been sparked by a couple of people's recent blogs. Firstly, Gordon writes about the 'blanket bombing' evangelist in He's Back.... This got my attention because I used to feel pressured to become that sort of evangelist. I've never liked being 'evangelised' in that way, and I've never felt comfortable with the idea of evangelising in such a way. While boldness is a good thing, I guess the point is that if we're going to upset the status quo, we need to make sure it's God who's guiding us that way, not a prideful desire to make a scene or feel important. I found some good thoughts in a Contagious Christianity series we went through in our bible study group.

Second, via a link from the exact blog entry I mentioned above, I came across this comment on Luke 5:1-11:
a miraculously large catch of fish instantly changes the fundamental question in Peter's life from "will there be enough to feed my family?" to "can I gather enough people to take in God's bounty?"
Dylan's Lectionary Blog

God is attractive. That's something I've learnt over the years. It's Christians who often aren't particularly attractive. I've noticed that when I'm surrendered to God and showing his love to others indiscriminately, then simple and gentle evangelism opportunities are everywhere. It doesn't seem necessary to reach out and try to grab people, they come to me.

Here's an example... I was reading part of the latest Journal of Aggressive Christianity at the bus stop this morning. A woman I've gotten into the habit of chatting to (in the 5-10 minutes before the bus arrives some mornings) sat down and asked what I was reading. I told her, she said the article (Married Officer Leadership – For Such A Time As This) looked interesting. She happily accepted my offer of the pieces of paper it was printed upon. We got on the bus, she read the article and commented that it made some good points, and I got off the bus. Is she a christian? No idea. I'm fairly sure she isn't a Salvo. Yet something about that article intrigued her. If she isn't a Christian, then at the least there are a couple of Christian stereotypes it might have done away with.

Sometimes I still wonder, though... I've managed to resolve the 'boldness' concept of evangelism with my own life. But how about the 'urgency' factor? The idea that people will end up in hell (both in this life and afterwards), without my intervention? Should 'urgency' simply take the form of getting real about spiritual growth and giving it all up for God? Is it enough to simply stop procrastinating?

I suppose what it all comes down to is a simple, complete, continual surrender to God. Surely that's the biggest, most effective step I can take. Anything else puts me in danger of going down prideful, arrogant, 'blanket-bombing' pathways.

I just had a thought...

What if all our 'reach-out' programs and prepared speeches are just our way of avoiding our real responsibility:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God — this is your spiritual act of worship.
Romans 12:1

Whatcha think?

Hmmmm...

I'm staring in bemusement at my cat... who for some mysterious reason just finished polishing off 4.5 pieces of pumpkin offcut.

This cat just likes weirding me out. I'm sure of it. She's a carnivorous creature who will often eat snow peas if they're left out (and promptly regurgitate them somewhere convenient, like on the couch), but shows complete disdain for the vast majority of non-meat products. Now, all of a sudden, pumpkin. RAW pumpkin. Sigh.

There's a theological lesson there somewhere. Maybe God is telling me that I do the same thing to him!

"I'm Excited!!"

A couple of years ago there were a number of TV ads for a range of cleaning products, with the owner of the company (Big Kev) yelling, "I'm excited!" (excitedly, of course).

Well, I'm excited, and maybe cleaning products are a good metaphor. God's the best cleanser in the world, right?

I'm not going to post details yet (I'm not sure of Salvation Army etiquette), but I got wind of God maybe doing something huge right where he placed my heart... oooooh! Will I be involved? I'm not sure, but I'm definitely going to make myself available.

"Proof of Christ's Return"

I read the above news headline, and it sparked a thought. The actual article was somewhat different than the headline led me to believe, but it's interesting - Pat Robertson comments.

Anyway, it was the headline more than the article that got me thinking. We have a tendency, when we read of disasters, to turn to abstract theology. We often conceptualise and depersonalise as fast as possible. I'm as guilty, if not more guilty, than the next person. After all, it's much less painful to ponder whether the last days are upon us (as long as it doesn't lead to soul-searching!), than to try and take in, understand and grieve the pain, the loss, the anguish that occurred. I'm keeping it at arm's length as we speak.

Lord, make us people who dare to feel, who dare to open our hearts to the pain and suffering in our world, and grieve with those who are grieving. Help us to get over this fear of the pain we'll feel. Let us mourn the destruction, and do what we can, when we can, to help those whose lives have been torn apart. Lord, soften our hearts!

God works in strange ways

Karyn Baker's blog sparked a thought in me... she mentioned a seminar she went to about Listening Prayer, and shares a summary of the ways God speaks to us. It reminded me of a time when God spoke to me through The Simpsons. Bizarre medium, but a very specific, useful message. Sometimes I think God just likes messing with my head!

Looking Back

Whew, what was I smoking on Friday? I'm suddenly glad my husband doesn't habitually read this blog... he would've gotten wind of the crazy thoughts going through my head, who knows where it might've ended?

Nah, just kidding, I didn't wimp out. I want more of God in my life. So we sat down together last night after a surprising minimum of talk about the idea, and prayed that God would use us wherever, whenever, however.

Oh Lord... what have we DONE???

(I'm excited. I feel free!)

PS: Feedback and Links

I just thought I'd mention - I like getting feedback. Feel free to post your feedback without fear of me getting grouchy. Even if it's just 'hi' or 'hmmmm', that's fine. And if you're a Salvo and would like me to link to your blog, let me know.

Here I Am, Send Me!

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:

"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."

At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."

Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"

And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
Isaiah 6:1-8

Hmmmm. I think this is relevant to me. First, it's got to do with being willing to be available to God for whatever he wants done. That's the obvious bit. The not-so-obvious bit that I'm contemplating as I type (best way to think, sometimes), is the process. So let me see if I can break this down into something non-legalistic, but useful. Bear with me.

First, Isaiah saw God.
Second, he realised something of what God is.
Third, he realised something of what HE wasn't - and it tore him up inside (metaphorically speaking).
Fourth, the live coal. OK, here's where I get a bit stuck. Does it simply signify forgiveness? I don't think so. A live (burning) coal, taken from God's altar, touched to the part he said was sinful... well I know that heat is often used to remove infection. So, not just forgiveness but painful purification?
Fifth, AFTER his repentance, forgiveness and purification, God wonders out loud "Whom shall I send?" I guess we hear God best once we've opened ourselves up to be purified by him?
Sixth, Isaiah jumps in and says, "Here I am, send me!" Does he know where God wants to send him? Nope. Does he know what God wants done? Nope. Isaiah was presumably married (I've worked out that he had a son)... but he didn't say, "Send me, as long as it's not too far away, or for too long a time, Lord!" Maybe he was being a stereotypical guy and wanted to get away from the family for a while... or maybe he simply trusted that God had his, and his family's, best interests in mind.

Hmmmm. I'm thinking of talking to hubby tonight and suggesting that we simply pray together, "Lord, we have no idea what you want to do, or where you want to do it. But we offer ourselves to go wherever you want, to do whatever you want."

I wonder how hubby will react?

Restlessness

My restlessness seems to be increasing exponentially. I'm fairly happy with my life, but... I feel as though I'm about to miss an exciting appointment somewhere! Where, and why... I have no idea. Hopefully God will point me in a direction soon.

Intellectual Revolution

I've done a 'ministry personality' type quiz a couple of times. The basic principle was to find out what style of outreach and ministry you have a tendency toward.

Surprise surprise... I tend toward the intellectual. I love to debate, discuss, argue and exegete. And I acknowledge that this is a useful sort of preference, or gift, to have. It is, however, a very easy one to misuse... as centuries of christian in-fighting has proven. It used to be very easy for me to get caught up in debates about theoretical principles, theological hairsplitting, and discussions of what 'the establishment' is currently doing wrong.

I've noticed God changing that in me. Not changing my basic preferences, but in making my heart uneasy when my mind is wandering down unprofitable paths... when my pride in winning an argument is overwhelming my love for my 'opponent'. It's gotten to the point where I instinctively ask myself, "what am I going to do about it?"

Of course, that question does little good if it isn't answered... and the answer does little good unless it's put into practice. That's my current challenge. Unless I actually do whatever it is God wants me to do, then all my talking, debating, questioning and resolving is near-useless.

And here's the article which sparked my train of thought: A New Day - Make It So by John McAllister.

The Pseudonym

It occurred to me that I really should let y'all know something about me...

Evangeline is a pseudonym. This isn't a deliberate deception, by the way. I assumed people would look at the name, look at the 'first-generation Salvationist' bit in my profile, and click that it wasn't my real name!

I feel a bit strange calling it a 'pseudonym', though. To me, a 'pseudonym' is simply an assumed name used for the purposes of disguise, whereas 'Evangeline' has more meaning for me. First of all, there's the actual meaning of the name - "Good News". I'm not sure that I'm good news, but I certainly have good news to share!

Secondly, the name has more significance for me after reading a little about the life of Evangeline Booth... and of course our own Eva Burrows, for whom I harbour a quite a bit of affection, despite not knowing her personally. The best analogy I can think of is a woman assuming the name of a saint when she takes her vows and becomes a nun. She takes the name of a human being whose spiritual example she'd like to follow. And while both Evangeline and Eva would doubtless be horrified at the idea, they're the closest to female saints I think the Salvation Army has - in the sense of high-profile Christian women whose devotion to God and exploits are seen as good examples to follow.

Whew... I'll leave that interdenominational, quasi-heretical concept alone now, I think! Anyway, my real name is Naomi. Call me whichever!

Brokenness

Oooooh...

I went to one of my favourite sites - Max Lucado's. The Daily Audio (a 1-2 minute spoken message from Max) was simply titled 'Brokenness'. Now if you've read the title of this blog, not to mention my profile, you'll understand that this is a favourite theme of mine. So I didn't hesitate to right-click on the link, copy the location and open it in Winamp. Wow... a short, but poignant message. This is the bit that really stood out to me -

"Look at society! Broken hearts, broken lives, broken dreams. These people need to be put back together, and God can do just that, and he does so - through the church!"

Listen to the whole message using this link.

It just occurred to me that one of my favourite bible verses of all time is also along these lines. It says -

Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for fire to descend.
Psalm 5:3b (MSG)

Wow. Why is it a favourite? Because the imagery, to me, speaks of taking all the broken bits of my life - the relationships I dropped and cracked, the opportunities crumbled in my wake, the collapsed wall I had built around part of my heart, the hurt I walked straight into which left me crippled - taking them all and putting them on God's altar. And that's not all. It's not just that I can take them all to God and leave them with him. His fire descending invokes the idea that he can transform what I give him. He can turn worthless broken pieces of pottery and turn them into something beautiful. Like a mosaic - the broken bits are still there, they're still broken, but if they'd never been broken they never could have formed a piece of artwork more beautiful than the original object.

So... it's great that I can wax theological and wave pretty concepts around... but what am I doing about it? First I need to tell you a couple of seemingly-unrelated, but very pertinent facts:

First, one of my great struggles in life is to trust other christians. Church is supposed to be a place where it's OK to be broken. This I believe. But it's hard to be vulnerable and open to imperfect people. Nevertheless, I've been slowly but surely opening my heart to people at church.

Second, hubby and I have been doing short bible studies together at rather random times. We look at a passage, extract a concept which particularly spoke to each of us, and work out what we can do in the next day or week to put the concept into practice in our lives. It might be an individual challenge, it might be something we do together. The last passage we looked at was -

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and sympathetic? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose.

Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don't think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.
Phillippians 2:1-4

The challenge that we came up with was to invite someone from church over every week for dinner. The point being to help increase fellowship in our church, get to know people better, and show interest in people's lives. I said to someone recently that people don't 'drop out' of our church - at least to my knowledge. Everyone is known, people are noticed, absences are noted and prayed over, often followed up. Not in a judgmental way - but out of love and concern. Hubby and I aren't currently doing much to aid this process, so hopefully we can, in making this step, open up our hearts and lives to our church. I see this as a first step, not as a destination... in opening our home once a week I suspect we'll soon open our home in a bigger way. How? Oh, I don't know. God doesn't tell me these things!

The God-moments

God is troubling me.

This I am certain of, suddenly. He is stirring up a spirit of discontent with comfort and security. I keep thinking of this in terms of going someplace physical, but perhaps he has a more daunting challenge set out for me. Maybe he's troubling me because he wants me to start on a spiritual journey - a fear-inspiring, dreadful trip onto a rough, dark, heaving spiritual ocean, with not a glimpse of the shore.

How can I wait on him, with such a journey looming on my horizon? With patience and trust, I suppose. Consulting my travel agent for lists of the things I'll need to pack - perhaps a bottle of fortitude, a flagon of hope, and a LOT of his word. His promises, his commands, and his reassurances, packaged and wrapped in his everlasting love.

God spoke through me yesterday. It's a peculiar feeling, and one I'm just starting to realise may be behind my perpetual reluctance to stay close to him. I was rostered on for prayer time at church, and decided that instead of preparing something, I'd wait and see what God wanted me praying about. So my prayer time approached, and the theme of the service was repentance, so I thought, "I should read out a psalm on repentance!" I opened my bible where Psalms should be, and found Isaiah. I sighed and tried again - Isaiah again! I was about to try again when I realised that I seemed to have opened to the same page twice. Hmmm. In case God was trying to tell me something, I read the passage I was drawn to -

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as men rejoice when dividing the plunder.

For as in the day of Midian's defeat, you have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor.

Every warrior's boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.
Isaiah 9:2-7

I walked out the front, read this passage in a loud voice, and prayed something about opening our hearts to God, repenting for the things we had done and failed to do, for his forgiveness to clean and bless us, and transform our lives... I think.

Hmmm. Not my usual communal prayer style. It startled my husband a little. It startled me more than a little when I thought about it.

I seem to have 'God moments' whenever I've been walking close to God for a while. I see someone, I hear something, I have a certain duty... and God gives me words to say to a specific person, or to a group of people. It's disorienting in one sense, because all of a sudden words are on the tip of my tongue, and they didn't spend time hatching out as thoughts in my mind. Those moments are also exhilarating, and I've always thought I longed for them.

But it's occurred to me that maybe these 'God moments' are behind my lack of consistency in seeking God. I do, firmly, believe that they're from God. I have a choice - I feel every time an option to open my mouth and speak, or to close my mouth and speak my own words. But maybe I'm shy of a gift which turns up with such force whenever I've surrendered my heart and life to God. Maybe, deep down, I feel as though I'm walking next to white-hot fire - and I don't want to be burnt away. Maybe this is my burning furnace, and I'm scared of the heat.